4 Days Out.

I'm 4 days out. I'm sitting here, shaking with nerves and I'm still 4 days out. This is ridiculous.

I'm stressed out, eating like crap thanks to the nerves, and I can't seem to wake up. Honestly, I need to sleep. I miss sleep, but when I lie down TO sleep, I wake up either stretching out a tight calf muscle or in a cold sweat because I overslept on race day.


I did a 4 mile run last night on the dreadmill, and while that's usually a piece of cake, I dreaded going and struggled through it because I'm SO FLIPPING TIRED (**side note- I also ran 11:24/mile, which is WAY faster than my estimated pace for the marathon. That probably didn't help.).

What the hell.

I feel like my body is revolting against me, and my mind is starting to chime in. "You don't HAVE to do the full 26.2. A half marathon is just as good! Maybe you're taking on too much?"
My brain needs to shut the F up.


I need to focus on WHY I run.

• I enjoy it.
• I was never able to do it before- ever.
• Mental clarity.
• Stress relief.
• Endorphins!
• I need to be HAWT by the time I go to Florida in November (for another run, of course). 
• Or at the very least by next swimsuit season.
• I want to be a marathoner- someone who is happy with her body, happy with her accomplishments, and one of the few who actually complete a marathon. 

One of my current favorite bloggers at RunSelfieRepeat posted the following yesterday, as she's preparing for HER first marathon (in NYC):

"Running a marathon is about enduring. It’s about putting one foot in front of the other when you want to quit. It doesn’t matter if you walk, crawl, hop, skip, sprint, run, dance, juggle, or jog your way through it... When those fears and anxieties arise, shake it off. Get out of your own damn way, you are ready. All you have to do now is show up, go forward, and endure. The last 4-6 months of hard work will pay off. You just have to make it through the taper!"

Oh, the evil taper. You callous, evil bitch.  For those new to running, the taper is the 2-3 weeks prior to the big race where you run less to increase performance for the race itself. It seems counter-intuitive. You run less before the race, but you feel like you should be running MORE to make sure you're ready. Competitor.com says it best, "Perhaps the chief reason for this is the Catch-22 of growing increasingly nervous about the race itself at a time when your primary means of blowing off stress – exercise – is, by obligation, sharply limited. Some runners feel that they are gaining unneeded weight... Glycogen storage requires significant water retention, so if you’re a few pounds up, you very likely have achieved a state of proper hydration, not packed on unwanted body mass."



But the taper is GOOD for you! Levels of muscle glycogen, enzymes, antioxidants, and hormones–all depleted by high mileage–return to optimal ranges during a taper. The muscle damage that occurs during sustained training is repaired. Immune function and muscle strength improve which reduces the odds you'll catch a cold or get injured just before the race. The average performance improvement by the subjects who tapered in studies reduced their target finish time by 5 to 10 minutes in a marathon.

So I have to cut back on my miles, go slower on those miles, eat more carbs, make sure I'm hydrated, and know that gaining weight is OK.

Mind !#@$, that's what I say.  I hate you, universe. HATE YOU.

But it's ok. I have some things to look forward to post-marathon, right?