P-Funk (as in Pounds Funk)

I'm in a funk.

On Sunday, I successfully completed a 6 mile run around campus- in the frigid, 19 degree weather. Thankfully I had Lisa and Jodi to run with me, because I don't think I would have gotten out of the car to run otherwise. It was BRUTAL. But, as we ran down Harrison and across Shaw Lane, I started to feel... good. Sure, I was a little numb and kept waiting for the robotic voice to tell me I've knocked another mile off of the day's list, but it felt good to be out there running. I was surprised!

Of course, the later that day, I was feeling stiff and completely drained of all energy.

Yesterday, kind of the same thing happened- I went to work, then went to a kick-ass spin class where we did ladder exercises. I got home afterwards, showered, cooked dinner, then collapsed with exhaustion by 11pm. I'm drained and almost dreading today's workout with Trainer Amy.

"What's a ladder exercise?" you might ask. Its a move where, if your instructor says "It's ladder day!" you should RUN out of the classroom. Just kidding... kind of. I just glared at my wonderful instructor and buckled down for a hard workout. Here's what we did:

• 1 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
• 2 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
• 3 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
  
• 4 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
• 5 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery

Yeah. That was just the FIRST part. Then the fun kicked in:

• 5 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint
• 4 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint
• 3 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute recovery (YAY!)
• 2 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint

Get it? See the "ladder" in the workout? See why I was exhausted?

Here's the problem though- I probably could have upped the intensity a bit more and added more resistance to the bike. But I didn't want to. I probably could have ran 7 miles on Sunday but, again, I didn't want to. I'm not losing weight, so who cares how many calories I burn?

I'm in a funk. And it blows.

This isn't me. I *wish* it was, but nope. Not me. Soon, maybe.

I'm meeting with my trainer tonight to go over my food journals, calorie count (damn you, BMR), workouts... something is just not right. I'm losing inches, but not pounds. And I know I shouldn't complain because weight is just a number... but to someone who has battled her weight her entire life, it's MORE than that. It's a measure of progress, a tangible thing that *I* can see. I don't see the inches lost when I look in the mirror. I still see the girl who couldn't get off of the couch a few years ago. What I can see, however, is the bright blue numbers light up on the scale.

It's a brain game, I know. And I need to get my head wrapped around the idea that I can gain weight and have it be healthy. My heart is 1000x stronger than before, I don't need my inhaler anymore on long runs, I feel better and am in overall better health- but the scale numbers keep climbing. What gives?

I know I can make better food choices- I didn't need two Bloody Mary's after Sunday's run, and I sure as hell didn't need the french fries that went along with the burger at the Peanut Barrel. I didn't need to eat half of a block of (reduced fat) cheese throughout the evening yesterday, but I did- and justified it by giving the dog a few pieces here and there. But I'm within my daily calories, so I should see some kind of progress, right?

I'm in a cooking funk too- turkey sloppy joes and roasted veggies were on yesterday's menu, but I have no idea what I'm making for the rest of the week. I have... pork chops. That's it. And I really don't want to go grocery shopping until Thursday (pay day). Maybe I need new recipes- and a kitchen full of my stuff to cook dinner in. Then again, maybe I just need a personal chef to do all of my cooking for me and just put a plate in front of me, perfectly portioned out. And someone to lock the pantry which is hiding a box of Girl Scout cookies.

This funk HAS to snap soon. The season's first half marathon is weeks away and I'm nowhere near ready. Finishing this race in 2 hours 30 minutes is going to be a struggle for me, especially since it's a trail run and I don't have trail shoes yet. Maybe I can just roll down some of the hills and call it good.

Stress, Changes, and A New Beginning

This is a loaded, long-winded post, so make sure you're properly caffeinated if you choose to read on...

A LOT has happened in the past 4+ months. A lot. Which is the primary reason I'm delinquent in updating this blog.

Check out the goose egg on the right foot!!

• I fell and sprained my ankle while running about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving. It was ugly and painful and SUCKED because it was right before the Turkey Trot 10K and the Silver Bell Fun Run- which I was taking a kid to with me. She was bummed out, I was disappointed- stuck on crutches AND a walking boot. It was just bad all around. I didn't just let myself down, I let down a 9 year old. And SHE was the one to comfort ME.

 
• The man and I parted ways right before Thanksgiving. I still don't really know what happened there, but I've grown more confident in the assumption that it had nothing to do with me. I'm not being cocky here, rather, I'm choosing to believe what he told me. It is what it is, and I'm over it-- and actually can look back to the relationship with some fondness. There was some good in there- along with some bad.

• Ending things meant I had to move out of the house- and in with a friend in Williamston. I stayed there through the holiday season (well, between there and my parent's place).

• I then moved AGAIN to a friend's place in East Lansing. I've been there since January, and I'm looking for a permanent home for me and my dog. PS- home shopping on a limited budget isn't too much fun.

Jingle Belle Run 2013- Attack of the Christmas Elf!

I'm still training and going strong but it was dicey there for awhile, especially with the moving and being 30+ minutes away from work and the gym. But things have settled down. I finished a fun run in December (Jingle Belle 2013), ran in the Bracket Buster 5K last night (best time yet: 32:34!), training 6 days a week- normalcy has returned.

Because life has changed course, I thought I should pick a few new goals for 2014.

1) I will complete my first triathlon this June. I'm signed up, starting to collect gear, and gathering information. The panic started escalating when I registered for the race last month.

2) I also signed up for my first marathon (Detroit). Holy. Shit.

3) I'm completing 2 trail half marathons prior to the tri and the full marathon. Because I apparently don't want to be able to feel my legs until November.

4) My weight and whatnot need to go down. I'm losing inches everywhere but the scale is stuck. Trainer Amy swears it will fall off but I don't believe it.

5) My cholesterol is better than it was last year but it still needs to improve. More flaxseed and fish oil!I'm on supplements to assist my healthy eating, but have been told to keep eating nuts, oatmeal- stuff that keeps the bad cholesterol away. But Jet's pizza is TOO DAMN GOOD to cut out completely!

6) I'm going to be mindful of going out of my comfort zone and trying new things. I tried oysters yesterday, jumped on a plane to Tallahassee at a week's notice, signed up for some scary races (trail half-marathons? triathlons? Just drop me off of a cliff), finding "hidden pockets of lovely" in the city limits... Why not try things at least once, right? Within reason, of course. I'm not going to be crazy and jump out of a plane or anything.

I'm scared of my upcoming schedule, but it's a new start. And nothing good has ever come from doing the same thing day in, day out. Time to surprise myself a bit.