P-Funk (as in Pounds Funk)

I'm in a funk.

On Sunday, I successfully completed a 6 mile run around campus- in the frigid, 19 degree weather. Thankfully I had Lisa and Jodi to run with me, because I don't think I would have gotten out of the car to run otherwise. It was BRUTAL. But, as we ran down Harrison and across Shaw Lane, I started to feel... good. Sure, I was a little numb and kept waiting for the robotic voice to tell me I've knocked another mile off of the day's list, but it felt good to be out there running. I was surprised!

Of course, the later that day, I was feeling stiff and completely drained of all energy.

Yesterday, kind of the same thing happened- I went to work, then went to a kick-ass spin class where we did ladder exercises. I got home afterwards, showered, cooked dinner, then collapsed with exhaustion by 11pm. I'm drained and almost dreading today's workout with Trainer Amy.

"What's a ladder exercise?" you might ask. Its a move where, if your instructor says "It's ladder day!" you should RUN out of the classroom. Just kidding... kind of. I just glared at my wonderful instructor and buckled down for a hard workout. Here's what we did:

• 1 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
• 2 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
• 3 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
  
• 4 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery
• 5 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute seated recovery

Yeah. That was just the FIRST part. Then the fun kicked in:

• 5 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint
• 4 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint
• 3 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint
• 1 minute recovery (YAY!)
• 2 minute standing climb
• 1 minute seated sprint

Get it? See the "ladder" in the workout? See why I was exhausted?

Here's the problem though- I probably could have upped the intensity a bit more and added more resistance to the bike. But I didn't want to. I probably could have ran 7 miles on Sunday but, again, I didn't want to. I'm not losing weight, so who cares how many calories I burn?

I'm in a funk. And it blows.

This isn't me. I *wish* it was, but nope. Not me. Soon, maybe.

I'm meeting with my trainer tonight to go over my food journals, calorie count (damn you, BMR), workouts... something is just not right. I'm losing inches, but not pounds. And I know I shouldn't complain because weight is just a number... but to someone who has battled her weight her entire life, it's MORE than that. It's a measure of progress, a tangible thing that *I* can see. I don't see the inches lost when I look in the mirror. I still see the girl who couldn't get off of the couch a few years ago. What I can see, however, is the bright blue numbers light up on the scale.

It's a brain game, I know. And I need to get my head wrapped around the idea that I can gain weight and have it be healthy. My heart is 1000x stronger than before, I don't need my inhaler anymore on long runs, I feel better and am in overall better health- but the scale numbers keep climbing. What gives?

I know I can make better food choices- I didn't need two Bloody Mary's after Sunday's run, and I sure as hell didn't need the french fries that went along with the burger at the Peanut Barrel. I didn't need to eat half of a block of (reduced fat) cheese throughout the evening yesterday, but I did- and justified it by giving the dog a few pieces here and there. But I'm within my daily calories, so I should see some kind of progress, right?

I'm in a cooking funk too- turkey sloppy joes and roasted veggies were on yesterday's menu, but I have no idea what I'm making for the rest of the week. I have... pork chops. That's it. And I really don't want to go grocery shopping until Thursday (pay day). Maybe I need new recipes- and a kitchen full of my stuff to cook dinner in. Then again, maybe I just need a personal chef to do all of my cooking for me and just put a plate in front of me, perfectly portioned out. And someone to lock the pantry which is hiding a box of Girl Scout cookies.

This funk HAS to snap soon. The season's first half marathon is weeks away and I'm nowhere near ready. Finishing this race in 2 hours 30 minutes is going to be a struggle for me, especially since it's a trail run and I don't have trail shoes yet. Maybe I can just roll down some of the hills and call it good.