Dietician Downfall

I met with my dietician today- I've met with her 3x now and each time, I seem to leave less impressed with her and - worse yet- less impressed with myself. I've repeatedly told her that I'm training for a marathon and weight loss is still a goal. I've "only" lost 5lbs in the past 8 weeks of working with her (her words, not mine), and now she's recommending that after my training season that I go on a meal replacement plan for 6 weeks to expedite my weight loss, so I can train better and lighter post-meal replacement.

Sure, running 50lbs lighter than I am now would be awesome, but... am I doing something wrong now? I'm running 20-30 miles a week, taking a Spin class every week, doing other amazing things, limiting my primarily healthy food to 1500-1600 calories/day and I still can't win. She's focused on the food portion and not really taking my fitness into account. In fact, I'm working out "too" much to sustain weight loss. My muscle mass has increased in my core, but somehow has slightly (like .3%) decreased in my legs...?

What. Is. Happening?!?

I'm so frustrated and want to go running face-first into a chocolate peanut butter cupcake instead of tackling my 10 miles today.

But I didn't. I ran those awful 10 miles, complained about it the entire way, complained about HER the entire distance... I don't feel any closer to liking this lady, but I feel a little better.

When I met with Trainer Amy the next day, I told her what the dietician said. Amy is getting her nutritional certification at the moment, so she was interested in hearing what the dietician told me. I kept repeating, "She's right- training would be so much easier with 50lbs off of this body. And if you could lose 50 lbs in 6 weeks, wouldn't YOU do it?"

Answer? No. For people like me, who are active yet still struggling with weight loss, a meal replacement plan isn't the best option. Plus, what happens after 6 weeks? I start training hard again and am back to the same place I am now- struggling with what I eat while running large amounts. I would gain that 50 lbs right back.

She's right. I hate it when she's right, which is quite often.

So I took a FFTFL poster's comment to heart-- "You need to lose 120 lbs-- OF DIETICIAN!" and have decided not to see this ray of sunshine again. I'll find someone who specializes with athletes because, yes, I'm an athlete.

Weight loss update (yes, a week late): Down total of 7! WOO HOO!

Mileage update: 20 on the agenda for tomorrow, 14 already completed this week for a weekly total of 34 miles OF AWESOME.

Injuries? Of course. My Achilles hates me, which is making my ankle pick up the slack and ALSO hate me.

Biggest Loser

I'm a few days behind, but I'm finally watching the season premier of The Biggest Loser- Glory Days (Season 16). I'm loving the former athlete spin on this already- the new trainers seem great and more motivational than the past few trainers (Dolvett aside- he's hot and awesome). Then again, I'm only in the first 15 minutes of the show...

First thing they do is show each person's starting weight and find out the motivations behind why they want to lose weight. Some was to return to his/her former glory. Some were for health reasons. One was because he promised his son (who has since died) that he would get healthy and stay on the planet for a little longer. And if that wasn't heartbreaking enough, one of the athletes opened up about having 7 miscarriages since trying to get pregnant. 

Their struggles are real. 

One of the new trainers stated how important it is to realize that you need help and that you need to accept the help offered. 

"Yes I've got a problem and yes I need help."

Knowing that even former athletes struggle with weight scares me- yet also is refreshing. Nobody is immune from the struggle of weight loss. The athletes have encountered horrible life events, yet still want to soldier on and change their lives. So what am I afraid of? 

Failure. Embarrassment. Not being as strong as others think I am. Not being good enough.

But nobody achieves success without sometimes failing. Nobody is judging me while I'm running outside (or inside) but myself- there is no embarrassment. My friends and family have seen me at my strongest- and at my weakness- and love me without judgment. And while I may not be good enough for some, I'm perfectly good enough for myself. In fact, I'm pretty damn awesome.

I'm stronger. And healthier. And BETTER.
 
I'm ready to take this challenge on with the athletes. I'm 34 days away from my first full marathon and scared. I'm running and working out 5 days a week minimum and not losing weight. 

One of the new trainers, Jen, made a comment that stuck with me- "There's 2 places that we're motivated to make decisions from: fear or love. If you operate from a place of fear, you will fail. But if you operate from a place of 'I'll try, I want to do this for myself,' from that place of love- you can do it!"

I love myself and love what I'm becoming. I'm acting out of love. And this damn show made me cry ALREADY.

My weight, measurements, and body comp are all done. I'll provide weekly updates (although this didn't get posted until almost Week 2 of TBL, all measurements were taken at the start, last week!) and recaps on the show, hopefully finding themes that resonate well with me. Like love.

Let's do this.

40 Days to Go

...what? 40 days? SERIOUSLY? I just finished a 16 mile run 2 days ago, and you're saying I have 40 DAYS until I'm expected to run 26.2?!

Well, crap.

I'm starting to get everything lined up. The training schedule is ticking along, progress is being made, but I'm still getting scared. Excited, but really really REALLY scared. 26.2 is a long way to go- can my body handle it? Can my brain? Do I have enough fuel, let alone the right kind of fuel?

I'm constantly tired. All I ever want to do is go home, sit on my couch with some crappy tv show on, and rest. My days have turned into work, training, eat, repeat. Not a whole lot of variation. And that's ok. I like the predictability of my days lately. What I don't like is the feeling of complete exhaustion by the end of each run. I don't feel "energized" when I'm done, rather, I feel...blah. Accomplished? Sure. But all pumped up and ready to go? Nope.

I've been working with a dietician the last few weeks, so I can properly fuel for the marathon as well as lose some weight. She still has me at 1500 calories/day which, on its own, would make me lose weight. But even on run days- and LONG run days- I'm still supposed to aim for around 1500 calories. I've noticed that while I'm making better choices and sticking somewhat close to the 1500 calorie mark, I am not seeing much of a weight difference. She explained that training for the marathon and weight loss is not 100% mutually exclusive, but it's very difficult to lose weight while training- because you're gaining muscle at a rapid rate.

I get it. I'm a smart girl. But how can you NOT lose some weight when you're running 20+ miles a week?! But I digress.

Some members of one of the online communities I belong to, From Fat to Finish Line, is starting a blogging/weight loss challenge to correspond with the new season of The Biggest Loser. This starts up on Thursday. So come Thursday, I'll post measurements, weight (!!), and whatnot- all in the hopes that I will lose some weight along with those in TV land.

Maybe it's the push that I need...!